Pondering Pathways
A few weekends ago on retreat, I found myself walking on several different paths. There was a sandy shoreline, a wide well-groomed forest trail, a paved walkway beside the river, a labyrinth with its delineated markings, and a steep embankment that required more bushwhacking than trail following. Sometimes I had to focus on my steps carefully to avoid tripping, sometimes the path was so well marked I simply could take one step after another, and sometimes I could soak in the beauty of my surroundings as I walked. All these different trail experiences have had me pondering the paths and pathways in my life that I walk physically but also metaphorically.
Metaphorically speaking, the bible tells me that God is concerned about the paths I walk on my faith journey. I read that God will illuminate and guide when it is dark; make the rough places smooth; ensure that my feet don’t slip or stumble; and will even offer clear directions from behind. Collectively these verses remind me that as I set out to follow the Person of Christ God’s got my back.
Yet in my prayers I find myself asking “which way/ what next/ where should I step?” Perhaps what I am tripping over is not the tree root in my way, but my old, cultured, dualistic thinking that tells me there is a “right” and “wrong” path to walk. This line of thinking tends to keep me stuck in “I’d better figure this out/ get this right/ not fail or …” It also reveals my bigger, scarier questions: “Are you with me? Do you love me? Are your love and presence dependent on me getting it right? Have you actually got my back?”
Maybe the more helpful and honest prayer is, “I’m heading down this path. I’m not sure if I need a machete to hack through the undergrowth, or if there is a marked trail I can simply follow. I don’t know what I need or how I will manage, but I am here and you’re with me right?”
The paths of life and faith will have moments of ease (like in a labyrinth), challenges and obstacles (steep climbs, brambles and roots), moments of beauty (in wide, spacious places), and moments of terror (I frequently get lost in the forest… the terror is real!). All I can do is keep walking and—hopefully—become a little more awake to God’s Love and Presence with me every step of the way. Emmanuel.