RULES? RHYTHMS? HABITS? OH MY!
This fall feels like a new beginning. My daytime job for the last thirteen years has been homeschooling our kids. This year everyone is off to “in-person” school which means I have many (glorious!!) hours to myself. As I’ve shared this transitional moment with others, the question I often hear is “What are you going to do all day?” I admit, the sudden availability of “free” time has had me both excited and a little baffled. By nature, I am a free-spirited, spontaneity-loving person, however I have learned to love frameworks. I realize that having limitations on my time and resources enables me to be more creative—if options and opportunities are boundless, it can feel daunting!! I deeply value balance in my life and so rely on structures that help me have time for work, play, rest, exercise, relationships, solitude, creativity, etc. In thinking about this new season and rhythm, I decided it would be helpful to revisit a concept I heard about early on in my contemplative journey— the Benedictine “Rule of Life”.
The Rule of St. Benedict was written in the 6th century create order, foster connection and have balance for the monastic community. It was written at a time when Roman culture taught that domination, status, and power were the purpose to life. In contrast, Benedict offered his “Rule of Life” to support a life centered around listening, humility, equality, community, and service. The pillars of the Rule include prayer, work, study, hospitality, and renewal. The goal was to bring balance, simplicity, and connection in a culture of excess consumption and disconnection (sound familiar?)
In “The Cultivated Life: From Ceaseless Striving to Receiving Joy”, Susan Phillips likens our culture to that of a circus where at any given moment we are being cultivated to become either performers or spectators (the show must go on after all!!) Phillips agrees with the Benedictine approach of intentionally cultivating a “rule” or “rhythm of life” and warns that without this intention, our lives will be cultivated by something. At the heart of the “rule” is the question: “How do I want to live, so I can be who I want to be?” (Ruth Haley Barton, Sacred Rhythms: Arranging our Lives for Spiritual Transformation).
This talk of rules and rhythms had me thinking about habits since habits and intentionality go hand in hand. Unfortunately, habit promotion is too often centered within circus milieu and encourages our acrobatic attempts to increase our productivity, status and success. “Do (______) and you will (_____)!!” I cannot trust that those pitching me the latest “tips” or “tricks” aren’t just trying to keep me spinning in this wild cultural circus. That said, habit development is essential to crafting a “rule”, particularly if the goal is to support an intentional, thoughtful, and balanced life. In "Atomic Habits", James Clear suggests that small improvements along an intended trajectory can radically direct one’s path. While he uses a lot of performative language, his takeaways are universally applicable: live intentionally; transformation is a long slow process; fall in love with boredom and repetition; you embody your values and your identity. He encourages readers to start with identity and thus subtly inverts the question to become: “Who do I want to be, so how do I want to live?”
As I consider all of this, I have decided to incorporate a few new habits (practices) into my daily and weekly rhythm. I’m trying to start my day with fifteen minutes of quiet and solitude. I have a cup of tea and a candle lit, but I intentionally don’t grab my phone or write a list or think too much about the to-do’s of the day. I’m also including a morning bike ride or walk before starting work. This is good for clearing my head, getting some exercise and breathing some fresh air. Lastly, I am working on doing a short Examen at the end of each work day. I want to take a moment to reflect on what has been challenging and rewarding during my scheduled work time and pay attention to themes as they arise. These are small parts of my day that together with other activities (work, play, rest, creativity, connection, renewal) frame my current “rule of life” and support my desire to live in such a way that I can “be and become who I want to be.”
This fall is a new beginning, but in many ways it’s a continuation of the same journey where I keep learning, adapting, receiving and humbly trying. And phew, it isn’t only up to me! God is alongside nudging me toward practices and attitudes; waking me up and drawing my attention to things that support a life of balance, simplicity and connection. A slow work of transformation indeed.